Becoming a Man or Woman of God pt. 2

Message Clutch Student Ministries Pastor Jordan Biel Rock of Grace A/G 03.14.2007

Last week, we mentioned some things that will help us become a man or woman of God. Let’s elaborate on those a little more tonight.

1. Community

Community requires integrity and vise versa - integrity requires community.

For you to be a person of integrity, it requires that you are person that is whole and complete with other people. You aren’t “an island” on your own. There’s no such thing as a “Closet Christian.” And for somebody to claim to be a Christian, yet claim that they don’t really need to go to church is crazy. They are only kidding themselves. God clearly communicated our need for community – for the Body of Christ to grow together!

GOD teaches us a lot about community in the Body of Christ in Galations, Ephesians, and 1 & 2^nd Corinthians.

We talked last week about the importance of having a sense of community and the need for it, but how do we deal with conflict within the community – when friend hurts your feelings or Christians are rude to each other and unforgiving? Take a look at this picture.

Pic. a cutter’s arms

The Body of Christ when refuse to humble ourselves and get along

When we hold on to bitterness, refuse to forgive, and in turn lash out at other Christians, we are self- mutilating the Body of Christ! Jesus is coming back for a pure, beautiful, loving Bride – a people who refuse to return evil for evil. Let’s stop the cutting! Stop murmering, complaining, gossiping, and hurting each other!

1 Cor. 12: 27 “Now all of you together are Christ's body, and each one of you is a separate and necessary part of it.”

We need each other!

James 5:16 “Confess your sins to each other (and talk about life) so that you may be healed.”

“We rarely expose our sin in the church because most of us are self-protecting and self-governing. Sin is a private matter. To protect (our) feelings, we keep sin in the dark. Rather than submit to a redemptive process of open confession and restoration, we cling to our rights and reputations. In raw terms, we lack spiritual integrity.” - Jim Van Yperen, Making Peace

*The root cause of most conflict is selfishness – in one or both people involved.

So we know we need to talk to each-other about the things in our lives that we’re struggling with, but how do we resolve a conflict with another person in church? How do we reconcile our differences the way God wants us to?

There are many ways to deal with Conflict – right and wrong ways!

Let’s boil it down to 2 ways NOT to deal w/ Conflict and 1 way that you should deal with it–God’s way.

Jesus taught us the Correct way of dealing with conflict and we’ll take a look at that in a minute.

The two factors that will mostly influence the way you handle problems are..

1. Your Personality

God-given way of thinking and acting

2. Your Family or Culture you grew up in

This emphasizes that “you are a product of your environment.” You’ll

usually handle conflict the way your parents did. You’ll act and react

the way your parents or your brothers and sisters act towards you.

We remember this to help us understand were a person is coming from – why they’re thinking a certain way. Have somebody ever been mad at you and you heard about it and you’re like “why on earth are they mad at me? I didn’t do anything!”

Or have you ever approached someone that God taught us to about something that you see wrong and they totally flip-out and blow it out of proportion!?

Have YOU ever totally flipped-out and blown something out of proportion?! I have too. That’s why we need God’s Word to teach us HOW to deal with conflict – how to respond

David says in Psalms that… “a gentle reply can turn away wrath.”

When someone approaches you with a problem that you don’t agree with right away, the correct approach is NOT to get defensive and angry and reply with a big, bad attitude. But “a gentle reply” can calm them down and can help you both understand where you both went wrong.

But we can not use this (our personality or our upbringing) as an excuse to keep acting the wrong way towards people regarding whatever conflict we are in!

The First way NOT to deal with conflict with another person is to think or be…

PASSIVE

1. To be passive can mean to repress your feelings about it – trying to ignore it long enough

until it goes away.

2. To be passive can mean to bring up other things but avoiding the real problem – always complaining about stuff, but never really going to the person and talking about what the real issue is.

3. The issue is not always the issue. The real issue – the real problem can be covered up by a smaller problem. Don’t passively complain or imply that you don’t like something. If you don’t like something someone’s doing, go to them yourself, lovingly tell them, and try to come up with a solution together.

4. The root cause of most conflict is selfishness – in one or both parties involved.

The Second way NOT to deal with conflict with another person is to think or be…

AGRESSIVE

1. To be defensive or aggressive when someone is trying to work out a problem with you means that you would rather be right than reconciled! (repeat that!)

2. Don’t use the GOD CARD! Spiritual Manipulation is deceitful, sinful, and wrong!

3. To be defensive and aggressive means there’s a root of pride and selfishness.

Jesus taught us the Correct way of dealing with conflict in Matthew Chapters 5 and 18

The Correct way of dealing with conflict

Read what Jesus said in Matt. 18:15

1. Search Your Heart

a. Before you go to a person about a “spec in their eye,” see if there is a “log” in your eye.

In other words, search your own heart before you search other people’s heart.

Many times you can solve a problem by looking in the mirror - spiritually.

2. Go To The Person

a) Go to the person with whom you have a conflict first and try to work out together.

b) Remember, “The fear of man is a snare.” Don’t be afraid at how they’ll respond. You’ve got to allow your obedience to God’s Word to overpower your emotions.

c) DON”T go to someone else first and gossip about that person – it goes directly against what God has said because God knew we would have conflict because we’re all so different so God gave us a clear “plan of action” as to how to deal with it and reconcile.

3. Take a Friend

a) If they didn’t listen to you and you still feel something’s gotta change, take a friend – a Christian mature friend from CSM, a student leader, or an Adult Leader or myself – and just go talk to them about it again.

b) Ask questions, be nice and remember that your goal is reconcile, not retaliate!

4. Talk To Your Spiritual Authority About It

a) If after you’ve taken a friend and they still don’t agree and won’t humble themselves or you just CAN NOT seem to work it out on your own, just come talk to me, your Youth Pastor – or come talk to one of our Adult Leaders – that’s one of the reasons that they’re here is to help you work out your differences and get through life having fun – not causing problems or reacting to them in the wrong way. TALK to us about it!

b) It’s not “telling!” It’s not being a “snitch!” I know you usually won’t come to us because you don’t want to be a “tatle-tale” BUT Jesus said, that you’ve got to! WHY? Because if a “Christian” is repeatedly doing something you know they shouldn’t and you’ve talked to them, but they just won’t heart it, you’ve got to tell us! With out that, there’s no accountability, and a safe atmosphere and with out it being resolved we are NOT the community that God designed us to be.

We’ve got to be reconciled to each other and be “in good standing” with one-another like Jesus taught us to, to be the Body of Christ that He wants us to be.

Yes, dealing with conflict or even just something you disagree with is UGLY, it’s UNCOMFORTABLE, and it’s JUST NOT FUN. But, if we are Christians – Christ-followers – we must listen to and obey what He’s said about dealing with conflict in the community of believers.

Mosaic Picture and ask the kids what they see

Apply: A beautiful picture can come from many broken pieces. Our lives at times seem like a pile of broken pieces. But when we come together and allow God to form us, He can use our brokenness to create of picture of beauty! A picture that draws more people to Christ and gives Glory to God! I want to be apart of a beautiful Mosaic Masterpiece that God is forming. Why does God use our brokenness and frailty? Because He love us! Because He enjoys us!

Did you know that GOD enjoys your company? And GOD enjoys when we are willing to humble ourselves and obey His words in the Bible.

“Obedience (really is) better than sacrifice.” To obey God and deal with the conflict is better than sacrificing a friend over the matter. To obey God and deal with the conflict is better than remaining bitter about it and letting someone else’s sins ruin you!

I don’t want anything to be between me and God, even if it’s another person!

(DATING TIP: don’t even date an unbeliever. Yeah, befriend them, be cool with them, but don’t commit your life to them in a relationship when God has told us clearly not to be “unequally yoked.”

So you date someone you could see yourself marrying right? So why date an unbeliever if you know that you don’t’ want to marry an unbeliever? To do that is to ASK for trouble, heartbreak, etc.)

When we talk about our “walk with God” we are talking about our “life” with God – living out together. We are not on a walk with God by ourselves! Our “walk” requires others.

So when you do “go to the person” how should you approach them?

The best way is to be humble and loving. You’re talking to them to judge them or belittle them, you’re there to resolve to reconcile so be humble and gentle about it.

Some tips in approaching them are:

Ask a question – Jesus was great at this.

He always assumed the role of one

who needed to learn or understand.

Ask “Can you help me understand why you feel this way?” or “Man, I feel that there’s something between us and I’m sure why. So, what’s up… is there something that we need to talk about?”

Ask the RIGHT Questions

NOT: “What’s your problem?!?!” Again, being defensive and aggressive about it will only make matters worse! ASK: “What did I do to make you feel that way?”

Or “What was your day like when I did this?” Or “Was I the last nudge that pushed you over the cliff?”

“… (the church is…) the community that we need in order to grow in our maturity as believers and become like Christ.”

- Jim Van Yperen, Making Peace

For you to become a man or woman of God, you’ve gotta be a person of community – being willing to work out your differences that way God taught us and of course, to be a Man or Woman of God, you’ll be a person of…

2. Character

Character has to do with WHO you are…

You can not develop character without conflict. (repeat)

Character is developed in you when you rightly respond to the conflict in your life. Having character means you’re morally the same person no matter who you are with.

Like we saw in the DRAMA last week, Leticia was unwilling to compromise her character as a Christian for momentary acceptance from “friends.” (repeat that)

Pic of Michaelangelo Carving David

When Michaelangeo was asked how he carved David out of this huge bolder, he said that David was already in the rock and he simply had to reveal the David within the rock.

APPLY> God is constantly using people, circumstances, trials, conflict and pain to chip away at the things that keep us from looking like Christ. Christ is inside you and God needs to cut things away from your life to reveal Christ in you. He may even use people of which you have problems with to teach you patience, forgiveness, love, acceptance, and humility.

For you to become a man or woman of God, you’ve gotta be a person of community, character and lastly a man or woman of God is a person of…

3. Commitment

Plain and simple, this means you do what you say you’re going to do. Having commitment means that you are where you say you’re going to be and you do what you say you’re going to do.

It reflects your Christianity whether you are a person of commitment or not. When you are constantly showing up late or backing out of commitments people are going to think: “I thought they were a Christian! They don’t act any different because of it!” Let’s give God a good name – let’s be a good representative of Christ – a Christian even in the way we stay committed to things. A man or woman of God is a “man of His word.”

RESPONSE > Let’s ask God to cleanse us tonight – to cut away the things that keep us from looking like Christ. Let’s take 10 minutes to reflect on what God’s spoken to us. And there’s someone here tonight that you have conflict with, don’t wait to work it out, but go to them as we’ve talked about tonight and be reconciled.